Headphones

Sometimes I wear my headphones

Not because music is playing,

But because I don’t want to talk to nobody

I don’t want nobody to talk to

And no lyrics

I escape in nothingness

I enjoy the humming of the empty air

I hear it,

I fill it,

With my own lyrics

With my own words

I fill the emptiness with my own words

Sometimes when I wear my headphones

Transformed

I was ruined.

And everything I knew.

Everything I thought I knew.

Died.

I could feel it.

Slowly,

My appetite decaying

My heart offbeat, more like a tick than a thump

Speaking to me in harsh whispers

You are dying

You are leaving

You are ruined

And so I did what all warriors do.

I fought it.

My greatest weapons in hand, I fought it

I yelled at it, cursed it, tried to transfigure it

Tried to remind it of its old melody, its old beat, that familiar percussion

But it still ticked,

And so helpless, I sat.

I didn’t move, I let my heart play its own tune, as my body suffered the consequences.

It couldn’t stand the sound of the heartbeat,

So it ran.

And I chased it too

Ran after it,

Fed it what it needed

And what it needed, ruined me

Numbed me

Consumed me

Numbered my days

My heart’s clock slowly stuttered,

To its own beat

Because it no longer needed me

And I no longer needed it

So I did everything to sabotage it,

Ruin it,

Hurt it

I did it.

I let it go

So I could get back on beat,

Play the right sound

Play the right tune

But sweeter, and warmer, and more passionate

I was ruined.

But, that didn’t destr